I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize