Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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