dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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