just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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