Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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