just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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