Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize