So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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