Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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