What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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