Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize