Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You work out of a Hotel?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize