I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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