but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
worst night to have a conscience
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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