Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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