i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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