So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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