dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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