at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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