I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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