First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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