Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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