Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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