the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize