eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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