So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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