dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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