White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize