1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize