Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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