You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize