I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
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Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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