I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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