he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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