I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize