we have officially lost it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize