Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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