maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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