The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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