Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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