The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize