They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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