I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize