Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
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Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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