Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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