OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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