apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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