She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize