You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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