Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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